I am planning to do a few posts about how I developed disordered eating habits. I am calling it “Im Just Sayin” as a sort of fun way to catch your attention and it’s a phrase my mom and I use quite often!
I wanted to write this in a few posts so I could tell my story, but also not bore people to tears on the length! Angela, from OhSheGlows, did a similar style on her amazing blog, telling about her eating disorder, recovery, and finding true joy in life. I read her blog everyday and her entries have helped me a tremendous amount. And her recipes are to DIE FOR! Nom nom!
I didn’t post yesterday because I have been attempting to figure out WordPress and update my blog! I added a new page about running, and am trying to make it as visually appealing as possible. I am certainly not the most tech-savvy person, so understanding this website has been difficult, but I am up for the challenge!
After checking out the Hollaback Health website (which offers great blogging tips) I realized one of the most important things I should do as a new blogger, is to write about what I WANT to tell readers about. I am psyched to do posts on nutrition, my training, running, etc, but a huge part of me is the disordered eating I battle with, so writing about it not only purges my own feelings and allows me to reflect on my choices, but it also may be helpful for someone out there to read about and possibly relate to.
Let me start by explaining that I am 5’10”, which is fairly tall for a woman. I have always been taller than my peers, yet it did not start to bother me until sixth grade. I was 12 years old at the time, and becoming more of my height, and the discomfort it was giving me. Middle school, or the “dark ages” as I like to refer to it, was a time where girls and boys were reaching a point of becoming aware of their own bodies, their peers, and how they appeared to others around them. Looks were now important, what clothes you were wearing, make up, and yes, even how much you weighed.
My height began to bother me when I took notice of my oh-so-petite friends getting attention from boys in my class. During recess, we would play games with the boys, and somehow I always ended up being the strong, forceful one, such as during games of kickball, chasing, red rover (ugh) and others. I was also a bit chubby at the time, nothing too abnormal, but a few extra pounds were there. When boys saw me, I imagined them seeing a huge, towering, chubby girl with braces and bushy hair. No one had a crush on me, yet I wanted that attention that my tiny, cutsie friends were receiving.
This is where my attitudes towards eating were changing. Although I could do nothing about my height, I could at least lose a few pounds to not appear as large (in my mind). Hence my disordered views towards food began, and I did lose weight! However, I was getting too thin, something my mom took notice of and she told me to stop, which surprisingly i did. It was as simple as that at the time– I was tired of being hungry, and wanted to enjoy ice cream, treats and fast food again with my friends.
Unfortunately, my recovery only lasted a few years and I entered the world of disordered eating once again, at 18 years old.
*NEXT- I will tell about the next part of journey toward permanent recover and how Weight Watchers is a part of this!
Can you believe this was happening in Sixth grade?! Now girls and a small amount of boys, are developing eating issues even younger in life, because of media, peer, parental and other influences. Although we are taking steps in the right direction, such as the wonderful work that Caitlin does with Operation Beautiful, we need to continue this trend to stop these views of what a great body looks like, according to media standards.