Dear Bathroom Scale,

I am just going to come out and say it, we need to break up.

Because we have been together for so long, this may come as a shock to you. However, our relationship has gone on for far too long at this point, and I really don’t see this going anywhere.

You have always been a presence in my house, but we did not make a true connection until I joined Weight Watchers, and you and I had our weekly Tuesday dates. There was another person there though, the woman who would moderate our relationship, praise me if your numbers showed a decrease of weight, and a “you’ll do better next week” if you showed a gain. However, no matter what the number said, I was never happy, determined to lose even more weight the next week.

Eventually, I stopped going to Weight Watchers, but you, my precious scale, stayed with me. You came with me to college, where you stayed hidden under my bed, because I feared what my roommate would think if she knew of you and how much our relationship had grown. I could no longer wait a whole week to see you, so weighing myself on you became a daily expectation, a routine that has continued to this day.

Last summer was when I felt my strongest need for you. As soon as you showed a number I approved of, relief would flood through my body. The rest of the day I would be in a great mood, yet would cling even more to my rigid food and exercise schedule so I could see this number again. And yet in the back of mind, I sought to lessen the number even more, something that you helped me to accomplish by being readily available.

Unfortunately, what results you presented to me were not always what I wanted. When these days occurred, my mood would deteriorate, restriction of food would occur, exercise would intensify, and I would be anxious until the next morning, when the number said “normal” again. I would get so frustrated sometimes, “why do you fluctuate so often?!”

You may have noticed, but since the beginning of this year, our relationship has begun to deteriorate. Yes, it is true that at this point I still see you on a daily basis, but I am finally taking the number I see with a grain of salt. Not going to lie though, when I first saw the numbers increasing, it was terrifying and almost led me to become further obsessed with you. But there have been outside sources of rationality that are helping me to understand how little the number that shows my “weight” actually means.

You do not properly weigh muscle, healthy fat, water retention; things I am working so hard at building up again because we both broke these down to an unhealthy level. I am understanding that what appears on your screen does not define me, it is a freakin number that means nothing.

Scale, we are done. It is time I met new people, tried new things, ate some food, and these things won’t happen if we stay together. There is so much more to life than you, and fortunetely I am discovering this now and finding the real joys that life has to offer.

Perhaps I will see you once in awhile after this point. Honestly though, I doubt it. It has certainly been a long journey with you, but one that has ended.

Best wishes from a formerly obsessed woman,

Tessa

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12 Comments

Filed under Below The Surface, Confession, Disorded Thoughts, Recovery, Scale, Weight, Weight Watchers

12 responses to “Dear Bathroom Scale,

  1. Ruski

    Very nice post! I’m happy to hear your relationship with the evil scale is deteriorating. You deserve to be free of that burden.

    I thought this sentence was particularly insightful, “You do not properly weigh muscle, healthy fat, water retention; things I am working so hard at building up again because we both broke these down to an unhealthy level.”

    It is just a number and it does mean nothing. Keep up the good work!

  2. Thanks for responding to my Kale question! Love this – ditch the scale.

  3. This is so well-written. I, too, associate the scale with negative memories of my too-skinny self, and there are so many reasons I don’t weigh myself anymore. You are so right – numbers do NOT define you, and you do not need the validation from the scale to feel good about yourself. You are awesome – keep writing! You definitely have a gift.

  4. donna

    Well that is so clever! What a great way to express yourself!!! Corey is right, you really do have a gift, your writing is fun to read and insightful. I think you are doing such a good thing for yourself and for those of us who are reading your thoughts. I continue to be so proud of you and I feel so lucky to have you in my life!
    love, MA oxoxox

  5. lee barow

    Hi, My Dearest Tessa,
    So happy you have put your evil scale in the right
    perspective. You have a beautiful body to be proud of
    and all that dumb scale has is a number that no way
    defines you, your beauty and good health. Keep
    up the excellent work!
    Love you, Gram

  6. Hey Girl! You know my whole scale situation. This is such a beautiful post- I know you will stick to it! You can do it! I got yo’ back πŸ˜‰
    xoxo

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